Jokes ...stop ...read....laugh :3

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

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A man walks into a bar carrying a wooden box. He sets it down on the bar, and says to the barman "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen in your life, can I have a free beer?"

The barman shrugs. "Well, I've seen a lot of amazing things in my life, so why not? But I'm telling you, it'll have to be pretty special."

The man opens up the box, and inside there's a tiny scale replica of a grand piano - perfect in every detail. And sitting at it is a little man, who immediately strikes up on the piano, rendering a virtuoso performance of the classical greats. When he finishes he stands up, takes a bow, and the man closes the box up again. "So," he asks, "do I get my beer?"

At a loss for words, the barman hands him a beer. Eventually he asks the obvious question. "So where the hell did you get that?"

"Ah," replied the man, "well I met my fairy godmother today, and she said she could grant me any one wish."

"And you wished for that?"

"There's the thing. I think she must be a little bit deaf, because I certainly didn't wish for a twelve inch pianist."

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A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what
is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for moment, then answered,
"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars."
"Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother
replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix
up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my
God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are
you nuts?!?!?! "

The boy then went to his brother and asked,
"Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course,
" the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks
would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes.

Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million Dollars.

But Realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."


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A mother and her little kid are walking around and pass by a horse with a huge erection.

Little Jimmy:"Mummy what´s that under the horse?"
Mother:"It´s nothing."
Little Jimmy pointing:"But mum what´s that under the horse?"
Mother:"It´s nothing. Let´s go."
Little Jimmy almost screaming:"But mum I whanna know!"
Mother:"It is nothing! Stop asking or you´re grounded mister!"

A countryman listen the talk and turns to the mother: "Ma´am if that´s nothing, your husband must be a phenomenon."
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The red and the blue balloon are floating around the desert, the red balloon says to the blue balloon, watch out for the cactus, the blue balloon says .... what cactusssssssssssssssssssss
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A woman with no arms or legs is laying on a beach. She approaches a man who walks by. "Sir, sir! Can you do me a favor?" asks the woman. "I've never been hugged before... will you hug me?" The man obliges, and hugs her.

A few moments later another man passes by the beach. "Sir, sir! Can you do me a favor?" she asks again. "I've never been kissed before, will you kiss me?" So the man obliges, and kisses the limbless woman.

After a while a third man comes walking by. "Sir, sir! Can you do me a favor?" she asks for the third time. "I've never been ****ed before. Will you **** me?" So, the man picks her up, and hurls her into the ocean. "There," says the man, "now you're ****ed."
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A Russian and an American go hunting in the woods one day. The Russian leaves, then comes back with a dead bear.
"How did you get that?" asks the American.
The Russian replies "See tracks, follow tracks, shoot bear."
The American leaves, then comes back all bloodied up.
"What happen to you?" asks the Russian.
"See tracks, follow tracks, get hit by train."
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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungie cord?

My ass.
Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa